I’ve had lots of motivation to ‘do things’ recently but have been finding it difficult to make myself listen, sit, observe and reflect. I’ve definitely been buzzing at a high frequency and I appreciate that I am sometimes fucking annoying.
I was advised by a naturopath, whilst living at Bellbunya (a sustainable retreat in Queensland), that I have problems with my ears and I need to work on my listening skills. I’ve heard this advice a lot in my life but always struggled to listen.
I was told by another friend in the community, whilst he was making me a beeswax candle one evening to ward off some of the negative energy (and huntsmen spiders) in my room, that I was ‘Vata’ in Ayurvedic medicine.
Meaning I need to regularly calm and tether myself with meditation, rest, water, and nutritious food. I am trying to learn to appreciate ‘being’. I am learning to go with the ebb and flow. The waves of life. I want to be a space-time surfer.
Thanks to my mum, my friends and the unsuspecting strangers for their time, love and energy recently. Thank you for listening, cuddling, feeding, sharing your homes, dancing with and loving me, you sexy little beasts.
My travel/living/work/love/life circumstances have all been changing recently. I’ve slept in 7 different beds the last couple of months and met many new, ridiculously intelligent and interesting people.
Good friends are advancing away on their own paths, once familiar places feel different and new opportunities have been presenting themselves. I know it’s time for more adventures and I’m excited to go exploring.
Even if I wasn’t, I only have 6 months left on my Australian visa, so some sort of cunning plan might come in handy soon. I’ve found myself daydream-catcher-making, thinking and asking myself a lot;
“Well, what the fuck do I do now?”
Trying to get a grip on this has taken some time and processing. It’s thrown up lots of other questions too. Lots of questions and lots of self-reflection, analysis and poking about in my insides and my soul.
I’ve been asking myself “What are my beliefs?”, “Do my actions match those beliefs?”, “Where do I get my idea of ‘identity’?”, “What is my perception of success?”, “If I’m not going to do what I have for the last 7 years (travel, stripping, cities), then how am I actually going to thrive?”, “Do I need to chase money and exotic sunsets?”, “Can I enjoy being in my own company?”
And the always fun; “What is the worth of my existence?”.
In January I decided to go back to Queensland for the 4th time (I still haven’t made it to Sydney), it might seem repetitive but it’s a ridiculously beautiful, subtropical, rainforest, beach porn heaven and I like it. I went to live in 3 ‘intentional communities’ for a few weeks. These included:
Bellbunya: $75 p/wk in exchange for 18 hrs community work (half asylum, half eco-retreat, good people, great veggies and lots of laughs).
Noosa Edge: Free – I didn’t stay the night (advertised as a nudist resort, actually more like a 66 year old man’s wet dream materialised- sticky, homophobic and definitely not my vibe).
Chenrezig: $20 p/night in shared dharma dorm (an inspiring, slightly imposing, educational Buddhist monastic Institute where the ‘precepts of the hill’ ask that you literally do not hurt a fly and there were many biting horse-flies).
I wanted a challenge, to see what I could learn from my surroundings and myself, analyse if I missed anything from ‘normal’ life and find out if any of these ‘crazy-free-radical people’ had better ideas about how to live.
I wanted to see what kind of daydream I would like to materialise and how much I could do with the least amount of money.
It turned out that the majority of community members are actually just ‘normal’, lovely, squishy, humans on the same journey as me. With the same questions and the same yearning to find their place in life.
There was also an impossibly cute baby bearded dragon. I was surprised when two others introduced themselves as ‘multi-dimensional seers’. I wasn’t aware that was a thing.
They were vibrant, lovely, friendly multi-dimensional seers and were kind enough to teach me to be able to do some effective NLP to help improve my thought patterns and behaviours. They looked just like regular humans and also made a tasty paleo quiche.
I will do a more detailed post about the things I learned on this adventure, another day and just say the main thing I took from was;
‘Appreciate your own and others time, space, energy and love. Do whatever the fuck makes you feel good and consciously aim to cause no harm to yourself, others or the planet- or flies’.
Space-time-energy-love appreciation. That was the vibe and principle of them all.
Even the creepy German sex cave guy somewhat, with his desire to offer hospitality, a sanctuary, external and internal ‘massages’ and love to other sex cave enjoying friends, all within a piece of sexy paradise (5 minutes from Noosa’s bourgeois retail complex).
I realised each person’s dream is a bit different to another’s, his personally being much about sexy caves. I wasn’t sure that was my thing, so until I my friend came to rescue me, I just politely declined his invitations and guarded myself with steam cleaner.
I came away with some interesting thoughts and a number of interesting book recommendations (excluding Nudist Fun Monthly) that I am slowly working my way through:
- Louise Hay – How to heal your life.
- Mitch Albom – Tuesdays with Morrie.
- Rosalie Ham – The Dressmaker.
- Li Cunxin – Mao’s last Dancer.
- Chogyam Trungpa – Work, Sex, Money: Real life on the Path of Mindfulness.
- Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche – Not for Happiness.
*Further recommendations left in the comments might earn you a lollipop.
Playing with my beliefs around ‘space-time-energy distribution’ ‘self-worth’ and ‘value’, has helped me challenge some preconceived ideas, thrown up some fun curve balls and at times made me feel fucking insecure.
Insecure about being a little pea sized human in such a big universe. I keep thinking maybe I should just try being ‘normal’ again.
If I look from one perspective I am a 27 year old boho hobo, my boyfriend is leaving, I’m sleeping on couches, with no career, no house, no car, no children, a few dollars in the bank and no security. Not even a goldfish. That could be shit and somewhat scary. I could feel negative.
Or I could choose to look at it from a different perspective; I am a young, happy, healthy, privileged, educated backpacker enjoying an opportunity of unimaginable joy, experience and freedom. I can choose to see the sunrise and sunset every day. I could feel gratitude.
I am learning that I can have peace, happiness and security, no matter how much money, what job I have, where I live, what clothes I wear or how I paint my face if I remember to be thankful for just ‘being’.
That I appreciate my opportunities for experiences, learning and the pursuit of knowledge. I’m investigating freeganism, trade based & community living, volunteering, wwoofing and creating open content workshops as alternate ways to thrive in society.
It’s all quite fun. Even the times of uncertainty. Even if it’s ‘uncertified’ and I don’t get a degree and tasselled hat from university to tell me I’m doing the right thing. I’m realising I am still a valuable little bio-bot and I’m surrounded by fractals, flowers, puppies, hugs and love.